Knowing how best to support your child in dealing with their diagnosis and their appointments etc can feel like a minefield. We hope you will find these age related tips a helpful guide.
Infants and Toddlers
As a parent or caregiver, focus first on trust, security and safety. Your child doesn’t have an understanding of illness or health conditions and can feel worried or scared by being away from you or going through painful procedures.
Help your child by:
For procedures and admissions, staying with your child as much as you can. It’s hard as a parent to feel that you can’t ‘fix’ something which is upsetting your child. Hold them, soothe them, interact with them and acknowledge how they’re feeling.
Preschool age children
Children this age might start to understand what being sick or ill means. However, there can be confusion about what has made them ill. For example, children might think that vomiting makes them sick, rather than the other way round. It can be difficult when limits are imposed by being in hospital or by needing to take medication at set times, as children this age are developing their sense of independence.
Help your child by:
Being clear about the things a child does and doesn’t have a choice over. Given the chance, most children will say ‘no’ if you ask them to do something! Offer closed choices (for example ‘Do you want to sit on my lap for your blood test, or do you want me to hold your hand?’ or ‘Which toy would you like to cuddle while you have your medicine?’
Early school age children
Children start to develop a sense of who they are in their environment and might be able to explain some reasons for their condition even if these don’t always make sense. Check out whether there is any magical thinking (for example ‘I didn’t eat my vegetables so I got sick’ or ‘I was naughty so I got sick’).
Help your child by:
Involving your child in managing their condition (with close adult supervision!) in an age appropriate way. This might be something like getting the distractions ready before they have their injection. You can also reassure your child that their condition is not their fault and encourage talking about it.
Older school age children
These children are starting to develop their understanding of their health condition but will not react in the same way as adults. They may be aware of visible or invisible differences between them and peers. They might also be affected by missing school or not doing the same activities as their peers.
Help your child by:
Talking to your medical team so that you’re clear on what your child can and can’t do. You might feel pulled to protect your child, which is completely understandable, however supporting your child to do as much as they can supports them to feel empowered and part of things.
Adolescents
Identity is more important at this stage in development. Your child is starting to work out who they are, and there is more focus on body image. If your child’s condition affects their appearance, this can affect how they see themselves.
Teenagers can find it difficult to think long-term and you might start to see more opposition to taking medication or following recommended treatment.
Help your child by:
Supporting your child to start to take more responsibility for managing their condition. Working with your medical team to go through the ‘transition’ process to adult care. This starts earlier than you might think!
Talking about all topics that are important in adolescence – education, exams, sexuality, substances. They are still a teenager!
Talking about ‘Health Jobs’ – there are things that we all need to do to look after ourselves in the longer term e.g. eating well, exercising. Model these things for your child.
We are very grateful to Clinical Psychologist, Dr Rebecca Dale (Oxford Paediatric and Adolescent Rheumatology Centre/OXPARC) for allowing us to share this useful age related advice from ‘The University of Michigan Health System’.